The Nerdery

In the vein of my previous post [Lessons Of A Failure], I wanted to share with you a poem that is one of my most favorite pieces of literature. It has been something I’ve read over and over again during this time in my life. To me, it offers a unique and profound definition of courage and perseverance.

If

by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!

December 17th, 2007, posted by admin

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Lessons Of A Failure

The end of a year is always a good reason to pause for reflection. This time of reflection can be a positive one if you’ve had a good year, neutral if nothing has changed or negative if disappointment or tragedy has happened.

For me this year has been one of the most tumultuous years of my life. In fact, it should probably share the gold medal with 2001. 2001 saw me buy my first house and get married within a couple weeks of each other, and then getting laid off of my first job (out of college) three months after that.

God has a funny way of speaking to people, he knows exactly what to do to get their attention. He had mine. He removed what I had put so much selfishness and pride into. My job. This shot me into a more humbling, but ultimately more rewarding, career of IT consulting. Through this opportunity I was able to find my way into IT management. Which brings us to the second contestant on the podium, 2007.2007 started off without much of a fuss. It seemed like any other year. I didn’t have much planned for it. I was just hoping it might see me turn another year older and possibly a next generation console wealthier (2008, if you’re listening, I’m referring to an Xbox 360). The mellow atmosphere quickly disappeared in February. The pastor of my church had been preaching a series on faith. And through his message I heard this voice. It wasn’t actually audible. At least not to anyone around me.

“It’s time for you to learn what faith really is. It’s time for you to leave your job.”

Part of me, the part that enjoys comfort, felt I should ignore it. The other part was inclined to agree. Both parts talked it over and reminded me that the last time I heard this, I ignored it and nothing happened. There it was settled. I would do nothing.

“That’s exactly what will happen. Nothing.”

Wow, it’s seems this voice agrees with me. Okay. Do nothing. Done. That was easy.

“If you choose not to follow, I won’t give this opportunity to you again.”

And with that gut check, I realized that God was calling me out and now was my time to choose comfort and mediocrity or uncertainty and the miraculous.

I chose to leave my job in April to start down the entrepreneurial road that God was calling me to. He was going to show me what faith really is. This, however, didn’t come without it’s blessings. In May, my wife and I experience a miracle. We were able to conceive naturally after 3 long years of infertility. This was an amazing affirmation of my decision and would be a marker for me trouble waters to come. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

In June, we suffered deeply as our first child miscarried. This was a moment that, for the first time during this new experiment, really shook me to the core. This was Faith Test #1.

“Do you believe I’m greater than tragedy?”

Then comes the hot month of July and an upturn in the experiment. We find that we’ve conceived yet again. We aren’t really sure whether to get excited. We’d like to. But it’s just too soon to trust again.

On the corporate front, I’m still at a point where I’m optimistic, but am starting to realize that there is a lot of work in getting businesses up and off the ground. But it’s not without it’s fun time. My partners and I take a road trip to Denver where we and our business idea are given a warm reception. This put my faith line on a northerly direction on the big faith chart. Enter Faith Test #2.

“When success happens, is your faith in Me or yourself?”

August. August and I still aren’t talking yet. You see it was in August that our biggest (READ: only) customer decided they didn’t have the money to spend with us anyone. For you business majors out there, here’s a quick test. [blank] - Expense = Profit What’s blank, you ask? Our revenue. Credo examen tres.

“Can you still give Me glory in times of failure?”

September, October and November would continue to repel any potential customers, even as my efforts to find them increased. Back at the ranch, the bills continued to attack my wife’s income and our saving like a Guatemalan rebel force. On the upside, our fetus was growing a healthy baby girl and I got to experience the wonderful joy of her kicking (or punching) my hand. It really is reassuring that I’m NOT going to be the one that has to give birth to her. Back-rubs I can handle. Getting a watermelon through a garden hose is not for me.

During this period, I could see that these businesses were not going in the upward direction I feel businesses, that want to stay in business, should go. I really struggled and wrestled with the thought of reaching behind my head and, with both hands, pulling the ejection handles (aka getting a real job). But each time my mind dropped that tempting morsel into thought, I heard God’s inaudible voice remind me of faith test number four.

“Will you still follow Me if you don’t get the ‘where’, ‘why’ or ‘how’?”

And now, here we sit in the cold embrace of December. It seems as though this year will end without these businesses seeing any revenue and I’m left to wonder what we’ll do for money when my wife takes maternity leave. Business partners consider whether they’ll look for other employment. Savings dwindles. Bills keep coming. Customers seem further from my grasp than ever. Despite working as hard as I can possible cram into a day, I’m still without anything to show except disappointment and frustration. After throwing my fists into an aimless void, and shouting as loud as I can inside my head, I sit exhausted and empty. But in the recesses of my listening, I hear a faint uttering of the 5th test of faith.

“If hope is gone, and failure is imminent, will you trust Me for the miraculous?”

[gulp]

December 8th, 2007, posted by admin

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